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Strange moments.
jcoulas
Tonight I learned what paradigm was affecting my life, and how.

There was one paradigm completely wrecking my life in the most obvious of ways, and until it was unusually pointed out to me; I had no clue it had even existed. This explains away all the bad feelings I had, it explains why when I was leaving Steph something just felt miserably wrong and off, and it also explains why I have been feeling so sad.

Steph and I were talking tonight, and at one point I brought up how I have been having the same problems in every relationship for quite some time. Light bulb. At this point all my psychology training came rushing back to me (thank you Full Sail) and it said the following, "If you are having the same problem over and over again, chances are you are making the same mistake over and over again."

This should have been so much more obvious to me, so much earlier. I've been dating girls, that while we both may love each other- I end up bringing much more to the relationship.

Fucking Duh. Why has it been that they end up cheating on me sooner or later? Because honestly they don't respect me and what I do for them / have done for them.

It wasn't until recently that Kylie even admitted to my face that she was sorry :| and honestly I love her so much for that, it is amazing to hear that. She was part of the reason this all clicked, she wrote an amazing letter to me as a good bye gift and honestly I think it was the best gift I have ever gotten.

Oh except Steph didn't sign it.

Like seriously? I was about to leave, and you didn't sign it? You didn't even get me a card at all, or anything really. I know you were upset when I left, but you never even thought to give me a keep sake, I had to ask for one.

This is what I mean. I dated girls that invested less emotionally, of course I will be cheated on, its fucking inevitable. I'm not saying they didn't love me immensely, but with love comes respect, and I can tell you right now I was not respected like I should have been.

I am very unhappy with myself, however now that I see what I have been overlooking I can finally move on with my life. I don't even want another relationship right now. I just want to get on with my life, with a new breath in my lungs, and hope to god some one hires me.

I am Joe, hear me RAWR. I had amazing times with Steph, and I love her to death. However, I now I see why things did not work out, and more importantly I am happy that we decided to break up. The relationship was based off of both of our insecurities, and now if we ever meet in the future hopefully we will both be in a much better place. She is an amazing girl, I was right all along. She just wasn't the amazing girl for me, at least not yet.

The reason everyone could see how perfect we were together was because we were perfect together lol, we had very complimenting personalities and we had a lot of the same interests. Hell we still do, and I hope that she is a staple in my life because like all the people I have dated she has helped me grown immensely.

To long; Didn't read:
I love Steph. Our relationship was a complete success, we both grew up. Thank you, and I hope that one day in the future our paths cross again so that we can hang out and at the least be friends, especially since you have some of the best people in your life.

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